literature

The Vision

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moordred-fangirl's avatar
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Literature Text

Fire. Fire and axes and shouts. The terrible thunk of metal biting into wood, like a sword into flesh. Crashing as the great, old trees fell, groaning as if in pain, to the charred ground below. Smoke, acrid and dark, billowing out into the clear blue sky, making dark clouds against the bright warmth of the sun, like a great, pulsing fungus in the air. And above it all, ringing through the smoke-thickened air, over the thunking and the crashing and the sizzling hiss of flames, the calls of the wood sprites could be heard, made for the trees who had no voices with which to announce their pain but the resounding smash as they hit the soot-blackened earth.

Elvira woke with a cry, sitting bolt upright in bed. Her blanket, woven by her mother from the finest leaves, was twisted and thrown aside. Sweat ran off her skin to soak into the bed of soft moss below her, and her short green-brown hair was plastered to her forehead and neck. Just a dream. But the taste of smoke in her mouth and the lingering cries in her ears told a different story. She stood shakily, needing fresh air and the openness of the forest. Padding softly through the tunnels, she came to the door, a round hole in the side of the tree that led in an out of her family’s nest. Fluttering her wings to keep her balance on the ledge, she took a deep breath, the wonderful scent of spring helping to calm her nerves. Just a dream. A terrible nightmare, nothing more. She could handle that. She’d suffered bad dreams before. But she had an uneasy stirring in her gut, and in her heart she knew it was more than that. It was a Vision. Wood sprites sometimes shared dreams with their Spirit Trees, and when the forest sensed danger approaching, the trees would warn the sprites. But could this truly have been a sighting of something that would come to pass? Surely that horror could never happen... The sprites were at peace with the world, the world likewise with them, and the trees, as was their nature, harmed no one. Who would want to do something like that? And, more importantly yet, why?
:EDIT:
Just updating to request critique now that I have a premium membership^^ Please note that this is an old piece or writing, and my style and skill is not the same now as it was then. That said, I'd still be intersted to hear people's honest, critical opinion, for both my curiosity and because I might hear something that can help me with my current work as well:)




This is, including the prologue, the fourth chapter of a book me and two friends started writing about five years ago. (Wow! I hadn't realized it was that long until now!). We put a great deal of time and thought into inventing our fantasy setting, but, what with our lives growing busier and our friendship growing weaker as we got older, we never got past the fourth chapter :(. When our 'Writer's Club' split up, I was going to continue writing the epic novel we'd envisioned on my own, but that never ended up happening... Anyway, sad memories aside, this was the chapter I wrote about one of my friend's characters, Elvira. She came up with the idea for the chapter and wrote the first draft down in her 'writer's club' notebook, but at her request I re-wrote the chapter in my own words/style. The chapters were intended to be divided by which character they centered around, each written by one primary authour and edited by the other two of us, alternating by what the plot required (thus the short length of this one). This was my first attempt (not including the second chapter of the same story) at writing anything that wasn't part of a roleplay, so it's a pretty important part of my development as a writer and still holds a special place in my heart. Anyway, story of this thing over, enjoy :P
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ansuz's avatar
I really like your descriptions - they give the vision a tangible uncomfortableness that touches all the senses. Nice work.